Asleep in my boat.

My, oh my, how life changes.

Sunday I was at Starbucks drinking coffee and spending some time in the Word. First off, the fact that I was spending time with God was pretty amazing considering where I have been lately in my spiritual walk.



You see, my whole world has felt like it was crumbling out from underneath me for about the last 2 months, and I was really REALLY mad at God about it. Yep, I said it. I'll give you a moment to gasp and get over the shock and horror of me confessing that I was mad at God. I don't just mean a little "why, God!?" I mean livid, cold-shoulder-like "I'm not talking to you ever again!" type anger. I was crushed, broken hearted, and falling apart at the seams and I felt like God was nowhere to be found. Didn't He see how hard it was? Didn't He see what I was going through? Most important, didn't He care? So, I did what I do best. I shut down and pulled away from what little of God I was still clinging to. I avoided church for a while, I stopped praying, I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped listening to worship music. I was losing my faith, and I felt totally powerless to stop it.

This brings us back to the beginning of this post. Starbucks & my Bible. I have made a major effort in the last couple weeks to be in church on Sunday even if I didn't feel like it. So, I went to Starbucks to read my Bible, even if I didn't feel like it. I wasn't sure where to start reading. I didn't have a devotional to do, and I wasn't about to just play "Bible Roulette" and hope I landed on a good passage. I began to pray. I asked God to just help me get through this storm in my life and to give me guidance. As I was praying I felt like I should be reading about Jesus calming the storm. It seemed trite and over-done, but to Matthew I went anyway.

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and waves, and it was completely calm. Matthew 8:23-26

As I was reading the Holy Spirit pointed out a few things to me:
Jesus was asleep. It doesn't seem like it would matter, but it did. Maybe he was just super tired for all that Holy-Spirit-filled-miracle-workin' but the man was asleep when what is potentially the biggest storm ever sweeps over their boat. I think it's important to note that his disciples at this point were fishermen. Dudes were skilled on a boat, think the guys from 'Deadliest Catch,' so for them to be scared for their lives you know it had to be a pretty wicked storm. How Jesus could sleep through that we wont know until we get to ask him (and I'm going to be sure to ask Him!) but we know He was asleep and didn't wake up until His disciples woke Him. Why does that matter? Well, I think it's important to understand WHY he was asleep, not how. So, why? Because He wasn't worried. Jesus knew His purpose. He knew He was destined to die on the cross and thus wasn't going to drown in a lake, so no storm was going to worry Him. He had a righteous confidence in the work He had yet to do, and thus no wind or waves were going to bother Him. If you know God's purpose for your life, things don't seem so scary.

The next point that stood out to me was this: Jesus rebuked the storm. According to the dictionary "rebuke" means to scold sharply. I don't for one second believe that Jesus would scold anything that was of God, so I don't think that God sent the storm. A lot of times we blame God and wonder why He would do something to us, but I think the passage perfectly illustrates that God allows things, but it isn't Him who is causing them to happen. So then, why would God allow the disciples and Jesus to go through the storm? I think there are a lot of reasons, but in the passage after this the disciples ask "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and waves obey him!" Matthew 8:27 How would the disciples have been shown this explicit power that Jesus had if not for Him calming the storm? I can't think of any other story in the Bible where Jesus' power, even over nature, is so clearly shown. God knew what he was doing, even if the disciples didn't.

So, what did I learn? First, God didn't send my storm. Sure, he's letting me go through it, but there is a purpose for that, one that I probably wont see until the storm has calmed, but I'm learning to be okay with that. Second, If I want God's attention right now, I have to cry out. Just being afraid isn't going to be good enough to wake him up. And third, if He is asleep, that just means I don't need to worry. He's still in my boat, even if he is asleep in it.

Keep Your Eyes Wide Open

For the longest time I have always felt like my walk with the Lord came in peaks and valleys. Some seasons were greater than others, some felt like pure torture, and looking back on others I can see how I raced in to those lowly valleys head first. But, never have I been where I am now. A drought. A seemingly endless furlough from God. Don't get me wrong, I do not under any circumstances think God has left me (I know He hasn't) but it has been about 3 months since I have actually heard from God, which is a long time considering where I was 3 months ago.

3 Months ago I encountered the Lord in a radical way. A way I thought only crazy people did. I was at a conference called Voice of the Apostles, and to keep this post from being pages long I will just say it was one of (if not THE MOST) amazing experiences of my life. If you EVER get a chance to go, do it. So, I'm at VOA and I see radical transformations, healings, testimonies, the Spirit was infectious. I came home and set out to live each day with that same Spirit, that same willingness and desire to pray for every person who would let me. To talk with people and love on them. To give selflessly. I heard from God daily. He spoke to me in my prayer times, and His Word was given new life at His breath. And then, He went silent.

I can't remember now whether God gradually stopped speaking, or if one day He just was quiet, though I tend to lean towards the latter. Either way, I stopped hearing Him. I stopped feeling Him. And I think that's normal. I think it is normal to go through droughts with God, for Him to build us up to bring us through the desert, and yet I feel like so few Christians ever talk about it. Throught His word his people are built up to be broken down and rebuilt, and I think he continues to do it today.

I will say this, it has been hard to press in to Him when I feel like He isn't there (I saw feel because obviously I know He really is). It's hard to want to pray when I feel like all the crying out in the world and I get nothing in return. It's hard to want to open the Word and read when nothing speaks to me anymore. And yet, somehow, I have to persevere. I have to keep moving forward. I refuse to wander in the desert.

Tonight, as I was driving in the car a song came on my radio. Really, it was a CD that had been in my player and I had been singing along to for quite some time, but apparently never listened to the lyrics. "I know you don't see me. You don't hear me, but keep your eyes wide open. Keep your eyes wide open."

I know my drought is not over, but I know that He is there. Even when I don't feel Him or see Him, if I open my eyes really open my eyes, I know.

Hungry?

I love food. LOVE it. No, seriously, I could pretty much eat all day long. I love to try new foods, to experience new tastes and textures. I love eating, as is indicated by the sheer joy expressed on my face in the picture. It's a cupcake. A carrot cake cupcake. The most delicious carrot cake cupcake on the face of the planet. It was sheer bliss in a pretty pink box.

In all of my eating I have learned one thing. Food is ALWAYS better when you're hungry. It's true. A perfectly grilled steak is delicious, but if you are hungry peanut butter and jelly on stale bread is heavenly. This got me to thinking, what am I hungry for?

The Bible is littered with references to food, mainly in Jesus being like food: "I am the bread of life." -John 6:48, "but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." -John 4:14 Jesus was on to something with this hunger thing.

The following is an excerpt from the book Expecting Miracles by Heidi & Rolland Baker, who run Iris Ministries. They have spent YEARS, decades really, of their lives in Africa ministering to the poorest and most impoverished people in the world.
I spend a lot of time at the garbage dump. It is my favorite place to be. The people there are so hungry that when it comes time to eat, they literally stomp on each other. They are so desperate that they push and shove each other in order to get to the food first. It does not sound nice, I know, but the ones who scream the loudest and push the hardest get fed first. The ones who press in always get the bread.

I have witnessed this time and again, so I asked God, "What is this, God?" He said, The ones who are hungry get fed. The ones who are thirsty get to drink.

The visual image that is created in that text is heart-wrenching and at the same time so filled with truth. People climbing over each other, pushing, shoving, doing whatever it takes to get to the food. As I was reading this passage in the book the Holy Spirit reminded me of a passage of scripture, Matthew 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. There it is again, HUNGER!

Have you ever been REALLY hungry? Ravenously hungry? A few months ago I was extremely hungry. It had been a couple days since I had really eaten anything and I was (or at least felt like) I was starving. That evening I made spaghetti and rolls for dinner, nothing fancy, seriously, pasta sauce from a jar and Pillsbury rolls. The plate didn't even hit the table before I had pretty much vacuumed the food off of it. I was hungry, and that meal that night was fit for a king.

There has to be a reason why Jesus uses the word "hunger." I am no theologian, nor biblical scholar but I think it may be because everyone has been hungry at one point or another. So the question that begs an answer is this, what are you hungry for?

Jesus himself said that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled, and throughout the Old Testament and the New the Bible talks about being hungry for the Lord and His kingdom. Jesus wants us hungry. He wants every believer everywhere to be continually hungry for more of Him, of His presence, and of His supernatural power. We, as believers, we never meant to get to a place of "fullness," that is to say, we are not meant to get to a place where we say "Whoa, God, I'm full now, you can stop with the outpouring of yourself." And at the same time, we are never to stop pressing in to Him and asking for MORE! I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "Liz, even when you are ravenously hungry, eventually you get full." And you're right, you do, but there is a difference between being filled with the Spirit of God and being overflowing with the Spirit of God.

If I take a glass and put it under the water dispenser that is in the door of my refrigerator and just hold it there, what happens? The water dispenses in to the glass and the glass gets full. But, what happens if I don't move the glass? The water will continue to fill up the glass, eventually overflowing from the glass, spilling on to the fridge, the floor, and wetting everything it touches. EVERYTHING it touches. Jesus is the same way. He wants to permeate our lives to the point of overflow so that everything WE touch gets HIS touch.

In order to get to the point of overflow we have to start eating, devouring, ravaging the meaty things of Him. His word, spending time with Him in prayer, soaking Him up. It isn't enough to live on spiritual "junk food" and then wonder why we aren't full to the point of overflow. We live in a world of convenience, and if it doesn't come with a drive-thru window, get rich quick promise, or the claim of "bigger, better, faster, with less work" we don't want it. We fill our days will spiritual marshmallow fluff, CDs, radio, Christian television, books, and wonder why God still seems distant. Don't get me wrong, I love a good worship album, and part of the excerpt of this blog I took from an amazing book, but DO NOT under any circumstances substitute those things for the actual presence of the Holy One.

Get hungry. Seek Him. Overflow to everything you touch. STAY HUNGRY. THAT is how revival is going to happen. THAT is how we will change the world. THAT is how more people will see supernatural miracles. THAT is how we will change the Kingdom of heaven. THAT is how people will get saved.

Agape' House & The Matthew Mandate

Recently I have made some pretty big life decisions, ones that I felt led to share.

I have always had empathy for homeless people. I always thought "oh, how sad." I wanted to do something, but my heart wasn't prepared for ministry in that area. Any time I even began to think about volunteering at a soup kitchen or in a shelter I was rocked to tears. It was all "so sad" that I was not of much use to that ministry.. until recently.

February 15, 2010 my life was radically and forever rocked, changed, blown wide open, and well, not my own any longer. That was the night I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. (For those of you who don't know what it is, feel free to email me, because it is the most amazing experience EVER!) Back to the story, on the evening of March 9, 2010 I was driving in my car and talking with God about wanting to be in homeless ministry of some kind. God gave me a vision of my future, legit vision, I came home and painted it. Agape' House. Agape' is the God-love. The self-sacrificing, give it all expecting nothing in return, love of Jesus. It's the amazing grace covering, sin forgiving, supernatural empowering love of God. Agape' House is a transitional home for homeless people that God has called me to open. Why? Simple, The Matthew Mandate.
34-36"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'

37-40"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'


This passage from the book of Matthew is a lot of times used as a fluffy feel-good because you did something good kind of verse; but it is so much more than that. It is a mandate from heaven. At least to me. I don't want to have to give an account to Jesus as to why I didn't give him clothes when he was cold, or a room when he was homeless. Do you? This passage has become part of my prayer for the Church. That we would see Jesus in every single person in need, not just the ones we think we can convert, or the ones who "want to help themselves" or the ones "who aren't just looking for a handout." It doesn't matter why they came to us, or where they are going to go from us, what matters is that for this moment they are here in front of us with open hands. Fill them. Love them. Restore them. Send them out to do the same.

So, what does this all have to do with my future? Everything. For the last 15 months I have been working my tush off (okay, not literally as I think it may have actually gotten bigger, but you get my drift) in Court Reporting school. God has recently given me release and peace about moving away from that path in to His path. I am going to be finishing out this semester of school and then taking a couple months to seek God with all I have, after that I have planned to transfer my credits to another school and begin working on a degree that will give me practical resources and learning to implement in the opening and running of Agape' House. Until then I am going to pursue leadership opportunities, ministry opportunities, and social-working outreach opportunities.

I know that God is going to use the house and the work that will be done there to change the world. I will post more about Agape' House, what it will include and how the progress is going along the way with this journey.

Coincidence

Coincidences seem like just that, coincidences, to people with unbelief. To believers, well, we just know better. God has an infallible plan that goes far beyond what our little brains can comprehend. With that, let me tell you about my night by prefacing it with a short story.

I LOOOOOVE John and Lisa Bevere. They are amazing, incredible, heaven grabbing individuals who, quite literally, know how to bring the power and the glory of God into where ever they are. *For those of you who don't know them they are a husband and wife who are both authors and speakers. You can check out their website at www.messangerinternational.com* Okay, so I had the amazing privilege of going to a conference and meeting Lisa Bevere back in February!*See totally rockin' picture where I look like a nerd because I was so excited to meet her!* She was amazing, and totally life changing. So, my dad lives in Tucson and I found out that John Bevere would be speaking at a church in Tucson on Mother's Day. I badgered him pretty much daily to go. I sent him the address to the church and told him how awesome it would be. I was incessant. The Sunday came and went and he didn't go. womp womp womp. I was sad, not that he didn't go, so much as I was sad that he didn't get his face rocked off by God that day. I reminded him of that church a few more times, and told him that was the place to be.

Last night he texts me and tells me that he went to an awesome church service. I asked him where, really what I wanted to know was if he got out of his comfort zone and went anywhere other than his normal place. He told me where he went and my jaw HIT THE FLOOR. I asked "Was it amazing? Did God rock your face off!?" He responded "Have you heard of it?" My reply was simply "DAD!!! That is THE church I have been trying to get you to go to for WEEKS!" For you readers, if you didn't just get chills let's recap: I told Dad to go to a rockin' spirit-filled church. He didn't go. Weeks pass, and Dad seems to forget exactly where I told him to go. In a seemingly coincidental series of events my dad gets invited to the EXACT church I had been telling him to go to. Coincidence? I think not.

God has seriously been blowing my mind lately and I LOVE it. He can keep rockin' my world like this anytime He wants. I know it was not coincidence that my dad ended up at that church, and if he continues to go there I KNOW God will blow his mind.

I was just in total awe and worship this morning sort of giggling to myself at God's plan all along and I really just felt like God himself was chuckling with him, ruffling my hair and saying "see, I got this kiddo." And He does. Oh, does He ever.

Dog Puke

I realize that dog puke isn't the most appealing name for a first post,and I know you're thinking 'how does dog vomit relate to God?" However, stick with me on this one.

Every morning when I wake up there is an epic battle between the part of me that knows I do, in fact, need to get up and take care of my kids, and the side that wants to just go back to sleep. The kids win. This morning as I was taking them downstairs in my usual morning fog I noticed a pile of something on the landing of my staircase-- dog puke. For those of you who don't know me, or my awesome dog, her name is Ginny (yes, as in Ginny Weasley from Harry Potter) and she is 75 pounds of pure love and awesomeness with a wagging tail. That being said, she is gross. Seriously, gross. She is slobbery, smelly, licks at herself, and as the title of this post alludes, she vomits on my floor.

Back to the story, I take the kids downstairs and get them their breakfast. I then begin to prep myself for the awful task of cleaning up said pile. The usual 'breathe through the mouth not the nose!' and 'I will not puke! I will not puke!' were the mantras that I chose this morning. So, I cleaned up the pile and the staircase it was on. I realized that it was very grassy. A little background for you in case you're not a dog lover; when a dog has eaten something that is making them feel sick, they will eat grass in an attempt to make themselves throw up. Sort of a binge-and-purge of the doggy world.

This got me to thinking, Ginny knew enough to purge her body of the things that were making her sick, do I? I'm not talking physical stuff here.

Numbers 33;51-53 "'Speak to the Isrealites and say to them: 'When you cross the Jordan into Canaan, drive out all the inhabitants of the land before you. Destroy all their carved images and their cast idols, and demolish their high places. Take possession of the land and settle in it, for I have given you the land to possess." God had told Moses that before the Isrealites settled in the promised land they would need to drive out all the wicked inhabitants and destroy their idols. Not just go in a settle near them. Not just go in and settle and don't associate with them. Destroy them. In Colossians Paul addresses the New Testament church on this EXACT thing and how it relates to life in Christ:
Colossians 3:5 "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature..." He goes on to list some things, but the Holy Spirit was realy just speaking to me about this particular section "WHATEVER belongs to your earthly nature. Anything. All of it. Not just the things that other people may or may not see as "wrong."

I think what struck my in both of these sections was that in both the Old Testament and the New, the people had to make this change. In the Old Testament it was the Isrealites who had to go into the promised land and purge it of the wicked people. In the New Testament Paul is instructing the church to purge themselves of their wicked ways. It doesn't say 'believe in Jesus and life will be easy.' It doesn't say 'God will take all your problems away.' And it certainly doesn't say 'You won't have anything to overcome once you're a Christian.'

There are days when I still struggle with my "earthly naure" okay, who am I kidding, I have 2 kids under 5, it's like a daily struggle to stay sane in this house. These passages, and the revelation from the Holy Spirit that came with it, was amazing. It is MY job to purge my body of the earthly things. MY job to make sure that this "promised land" is fit for my King. Of course God will help along the way, but it definitely gave me a wake-up call to some of the things that people assume you just "don't do" once you become a Christian.

I have moments where I get super angry and I find myself attempting to pray "help me not be angry." and a lot of times in my prayer time I hear God speak to me and say "practice not being angry." WOAH! Okay God, you have my attention!